An Interview With President Obama

I have been wanting to ask President Obama some questions for awhile now, so I recently called the White House and actually got through to him. Here is a summary of the interview.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Mr. President, you promised to keep unemployment below 8%, yet it’s now stuck at around 9.5%. Your response to this situation has been to extend unemployment benefits. Unemployed people don’t need yet another government handout, they need a job. How does extending unemployment benefits create jobs?

A: We need to help these people get through these tough times. My administration is compassionate; we want to help people. These people lost their jobs through no fault of their own. They are worried about buying food and paying the rent. I can’t stand idly by without lending a helping hand. I want to help -----------------.

Q: Yes, but what about creating jobs?

A: I want to create jobs. I am the “jobs” President. We need more jobs. Jobs, jobs, jobs.

Q: If you want to create jobs, why did you shut down drilling in the Gulf of Mexico at an estimated cost of between 40,000 and 100,000 jobs in that region?

A: Well, uh, we must protect the environment. Did you see those birds covered with oil? There must have been - -- a lot of them. I can’t bear to see oily birds.

Q: Then why didn’t you accept help from other countries on day 1 instead of waiting so long, and why didn’t you let Bobby Jindal build those berms to keep the oil from reaching the beaches and the birds?

A: We had to make sure all of the paper work was done. Bobby needed to get those permits; bureaucrats need jobs too, you know.

Q: Well, since we’re back on the jobs issue, if you want to keep people employed, why did you take over Chrysler and General Motors and then force them to precipitously close thousands dealerships at a cost of hundreds of thousands of jobs?

A: We had a crisis on our hands. Swift action was needed; there was no time to worry about details.

Q: Hundreds of thousands of jobs being lost was a detail?

A: We have saved millions of jobs. I am the “jobs” President. Jobs, jobs, jobs.

Q: Now that the crisis is over, have those dealerships been re-established?

A: Umm, no, they’re all permanently out of business now.

Q: f you want to create jobs, why don’t you propose cutting taxes on businesses large and small so they will have more money to hire people?

A: We can’t let those fat cats keep that money. I’m for the little guy. The wealthy need to pay their fair share. I want to spread the wealth around.

Q: But cutting the corporate payroll tax would no doubt spur job growth.

A: We have saved millions of jobs. I am the “jobs” President. Jobs, jobs, jobs.

Q: Mr. President, let’s turn to the subject of taxes. Unless Congress acts, on January 1 the so-called “Bush tax cuts” will expire, thereby increasing taxes on every American who pays any Federal taxes, regardless of income level. What are your thoughts on this?

A: Letting tax cuts expire is not a tax increase; it’s the end of a tax reduction.

Q: So even though everyone will send more money to Washington, it’s not a tax increase?

A: We can’t let those fat cats keep all of that money. I’m for the little guy; I want to spread the wealth around.

Q: But that money is the taxpayers’ money that they have earned, it’s not the government’s money.

A: We need a level playing field. The government should take that extra money and use it to, to, uh, reduce the deficit.

Q: If the government wants to reduce the deficit, why doesn’t it just stop spending trillions of dollars of borrowed money?

A: We had an economic crisis that only government could solve. I needed to spend those trillions of dollars to save the economy.

Q: But the economy is still way down, and many experts say it will recover on its own. In fact, many experts say the massive deficit spending by the government is and will continue to be a drag on the economy. Furthermore, tax increases are the worst thing that government can do when the economy is struggling.

A: Well, uh, I brought the economy back from the brink, and we can’t let those fat cats keep all of that money. We need to spread it around.

Q: Moving along, you recently signed a financial reform bill that did nothing to address the root cause of the financial meltdown: Fannie May and Freddie Mac. Why is that?

A: We can’t let those fat cats on Wall Street go un-punished. Where did they get all of that money, anyway? I’m for the little guy; we need to bring those fat cats down to size.

Q: But then with Fannie and Freddie continuing to do business as usual, the economy is still vulnerable.

A: Fannie and Freddie are big, huge, government bureaucracies run by career politicians and political appointees. They will act appropriately, unlike those fat cats on Wall Street.

Q: Many people are predicting that the Democrats will suffer large losses in the November election. If that happens, will it be a reflection on your policies?

A: I have passed historic legislation that will remake the country. My policies are historic, I’m historic, everything is historic.

Q: But what if the people vote against it all in November?

A: I’m not up for re-election in November.

Q: Thank you Mr. President for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk to me.

A: You’re welcome; call any time.